Every Series of Unfortunate Events Book/Netflix Epsiodes Ranked

 

     If you have opened this article with the hope of discovering a cheerful narrative, an uplifting conclusion, or even a mildly pleasant sentence, I must advise you to close this document immediately and read something else entirely. There are many wonderful topics you could occupy your mind with, such as the migratory habits of the common goldfinch or the recipe for a perfectly fluffy marshmallow. This paper, however, contains none of those delightful things. Instead, it examines a ranking of the Series of Unfortunate Events—a phrase which here means "a cascading avalanche of misery, poor decisions, and terrible luck"—that will leave you thoroughly demoralized. It is my solemn duty to create these rankings, but it is not your duty to suffer through them.

     LOL. Joking aside, I greatly enjoyed watching this series. It brought back fond memories of reading the books in late elementary and early middle school. It was easy to get hooked. Firstly I really enjoyed how each novel took place in a setting vastly different from the last. We go from a suburban neighborhood, to a reptile room, to an old shipyard, to a lumber mill, to a private school, to a luxury penthouse, to a village, to a hospital, to a carnival, to a mountain top, to underwater, to a hotel, to an island. Secondly, absolutely loved Lemony's writing style, which was this rare-breed of morbid and hilarious, as depicted in the first paragraph. Good triumphing over evil was predictable, but his continual doom-and-gloom attitude and foreshadowing made you genuinely curious as a reader how this was going to end up for the protagonists and their allies. And of course there was also all the underlying mysteries like who started the fire, what "VFD" meant and all the obscure references throughout the novels, the contents of the sugar bowl, etc. The various Olaf disguises were part of the fun as well and Neil Patrick Harris was perfect casting and I'm sure he had a blast playing an actor who impersonated someone different each book. Across the series, NPH got to portray a reptile expert, an old sea captain, a woman, a gym coach, a rich foreigner, a detective, a doctor, a ring-master, a dad/tourist, Jacques Snicket, Kit Snicket, Yessica Haircut, and more. 

     After watching the series, and consequently reflecting on the novels, I wanted to create a joint ranking of the books in the series from worst to best. Much like Harry Potter, I sincerely enjoyed all of them and wouldn't classify any of them as "bad", and going into this I genuinely had no preconceived notions of how the list would look. But this is what I came up with....

#13. The Miserable Mill 
Book Number: 4
Guardian: Sir & Charles
Olaf disguise: Shirley

     As I stated earlier, there are no bad books in this series. But one of them has to be last, and Miserable Mill felt like more of a filler-book in the series. The guardians weren't particularly memorable, the industrial setting was a bit boring, and the OG formula began to feel a bit redundant. The hypnosis plot and Violet trying to figure out the correct codewords to break it were the most fun part of this book.

#12. The Grim Grotto
Book Number: 11
Guardian: N/A
Olaf disguise: N/A

     The main reason for having this one so low is because not much actually happens and it feels like more of a set up book for the final two books. It's teed up to be this big underwater race for the sugar bowl, but in the end the most noteworthy thing that happens in the discovery of the deadly fungus. I did enjoy the twist of Fernald (the hooked man) being the long-lost brother of Fiona, which ultimately helps him break away from Olaf and his evil ways. The question mark on the sonar ends up being one of the mysteries that neither the book nor the show clearly answers.

#11. The End
Book Number: 13
Guardian: Ish
Olaf disguise: N/A

     Finding a perfect ending to any lengthy series can be difficult. This one proved to be controversial with some readers frustrated that not all the questions were answered, while others appreciated the ambiguity. When I read it as a 6th grader, I think I agreed with the former, but as an adult I can see more of the latter. I think in the end, the book accomplished what it intended to do, which was to answer some questions (VFD origins, Beatrice), leave others unanswered (who set the fire, the sugar bowl, fate of the Quagmires, fate of those at Hotel Denouement, the question mark), and raise some new ones (the final fate of the main characters, the true father of Kit's baby). And I do actually like the way Olaf was written out here as well. Not necessarily a redemption arc, but at least a moment of humanity and compassion for someone else.

#10. The Bad Beginning
Book Number: 1
Guardian: Count Olaf
Olaf disguise: N/A

     It feels criminal to have both the first and last book in the series ranked this low, but the reality is this is probably the book where the least actually happens. The intent of this one is to set things up and introduce the readers to the main players: the Baudelaire's, Olaf, his troupe, and Poe. Much of the book is having to watch Olaf be cruel to the children, and it isn't until towards the end that the creepy plot of Olaf attempting to marry Violet is revealed. Still, the book was a good introduction to this world, and had us readers eager to keep going.

#9. The Austere Academy
Book Number: 5
Guardian: N/A
Olaf disguise: Coach Ghengis

     The most important parts of this book were meeting the Quagmires, as well as Olivia, and beginning to sprinkle in some of the VFD lore. This one begins to expand the universe a bit and alludes to the story being larger than just the Baudelaire's and their fortune, and at this point in the series after all they had been through, it was refreshing to see them make genuine friendships with others who could relate to them. There's also some fun comedy here like the newly invented insult of "cake sniffer" and the Baudelaire's having to stay in the "Orphan Shack". Carmalita Spatz is one of the most entitled and bratty characters ever written, but in a fun way. Less fun and more annoying is Prufrock's vice principal and failed violinist, Nero. All in all, this one is very middle of the pack.

#8. The Slippery Slope
Book Number: 10
Guardian: N/A
Olaf disguise: N/A

     The best part about Slippery Slope is that we see Sunny grow in her independence and it proves that she's more than just a baby who bites things. She develops a passion for cooking, but more importantly she is able to stand on her own two feet while separated from her siblings and in the clutches of the villains. The reveal of Quigley Quagmire being alive and having survived the fire is a big twist in the series as well, as all indications up to that point was that one of the two Baudelaire parents was the survivor. This book also introduces some new characters such as Kit Snicket and two new villains in the man with a beard but no hair and the woman with hair but no beard. Olaf's troupe members deciding to leave him after poor treatment and moral compromise is a turning point as well. This is also another example of a time where the Baudelaire's had to do things that weren't right to ultimately survive, such as holding Esme as a hostage for interrogation and trade and using her fear of falling off the slope as leverage.

#7. The Carnivorous Carnival
Book Number: 9
Guardian: N/A
Olaf disguise: Ring Master

     This one was just a fun setting with fortune tellers, crystal balls, circus freaks (very comical that the ambidextrous guy counts here), and of course a den of starving lions. What also made this one fun was that it was a role reversal of what we had seen to this point. Olaf was believed to be dead and no longer needed disguises while the Baudelaire's flipped the script by disguising themselves as conjoined twins and "Chabo the Wolf Baby". Olivia being the gypsy was an unexpected twist and her death was one of the more brutal ones of the series. And the villains kidnapping Sunny and cutting the rope connecting Violet and Klaus's caravan to send them tumbling down a steep cliff is a literal cliff hanger.

#6. The Vile Village
Book Number: 4
Guardian: Hector
Olaf disguise: Detective Dupain

     This is a fun book where Olaf is able to fake his own death by murdering Jacques Snicket and convincing the village people that Snicket was himself, and then the Baudelaire's are framed for the murder and taken as prisoners. The Quagmires are once again hidden somewhere in secret and the Baudelaire's again have to crack the code and come to their rescue. Hector proved to be a good guardian that actually cared for the orphans and in the end it was thanks to him and his invention that the Quagmires were ultimately saved. But what makes this one such a good midpoint in the series is the turning point in the end, where the Baudelaire's finally decide that there will be no more guardians and that it's time to survive on their own as they go on the run as fugitives.

#5. The Wide Window
Book Number: 3
Guardian: Aunt Josephine
Olaf disguise: Captain Sham

     Reptile Room set the standard and format for how the first half of the series would go, and Wide Window proved that the continuity would work just fine. This is another fun setting on Lake Lachrymose with the man-eating leaches in an old ship town on a gothic house on a cliff. Josephine is one of the more memorable guardians. Her extreme phobias and irrational fears are a great source of dark comedy, as is her grammar obsession and insistence on proper English even during the more intense moments of distress. Captain Sham is one of the better Olaf disguises because it's so over the top with the eye patch and peg leg and sailor outfit, but the book reinforces the themes from Reptile Room that the adults will be oblivious and non-helpful. Josephine faking her suicide and then leaving the clue to her location with grammatical errors is clever writing and puzzle decoding on the part of the kids. The early books were at their best when they stuck to the tried and true formula of new location, memorable new guardian, and memorable Olaf disguise and this checked all of those boxes.   

#4. The Ersatz Elevator
Book Number: 6
Guardian: Esme & Jerome
Olaf disguise: Gunther

     We're now at the stage where all these books could be #1. Ersatz Elevator is terrific. We're introduced to Esme Squalor who became the Bonnie to Olaf's Clyde and gave the series a second iconic villainous presence. Speaking of Olaf, Gunther was my favorite Olaf alias. The slicked back hair and veneers and European accent and having to say "please" at the end of every sentence was a vibe, and this was by far the disguise Netflix had the most fun with given the big dance number at the end of the first episode of Ersatz Elevator. The book had a constant fluctuation between what was "in" and "out" (there was one scene omitted from the show where the Orphans get home and the whole house is pitch black because dark was "in" and light was "out") which was hilarious writing and great satire of how some people in higher society really are. But the book was also highly suspenseful, between the Quagmires being secretly hidden in the elevator shaft, the deepening of the VFD mystery, and the orphans trying to deduce which item in the auction the Quagmires were being hidden in. Esme being evil and romantically involved with Olaf was a good twist in itself that the book disguised well. Poor Jerome, he wanted to be a good guardian but just needed a little more courage and backbone. 

#3. The Reptile Room
Book Number: 2
Guardian: Uncle Monty
Olaf disguise: Stephano

     It felt criminal to have Bad Beginning ranked so low, but the truth is Reptile Room is the true book that set up the formula of the series with new guardians, exciting locations, and Olaf disguises. The book is full of twists and turns and much of it reads like a classic mystery novel where the detectives (the Orphans) must prove that "Stephano" is actually Olaf, and the Monty's murder was not caused by the Incredibly Deadly Viper. Monty was my favorite guardian and probably the one who best showed genuine warmth and compassion to the children, which made his tragic murder all the more heartbreaking. We get the first Olaf disguise in the form of "Stephano", and the disguises became a hilarious constant over the course of the series. Even though it was technically book 2, this was the true OG for the series that set the standard for all the other books that followed.

#2. The Hostile Hospital
Book Number: 8
Guardian: N/A
Olaf disguise: Dr. Matthias Medicalschool

     Another fan favorite for all the right reasons. This is the first book where the orphans go rogue and must survive entirely on their own with no guardians. It is also the first time in the series where the orphans realize they must do bad things to survive, with the first instance being betraying Hal's trust by tricking him and stealing his keys in order to view the Snicket File in the Library of Records, which reveals that there may have been a survivor of the fire. It is also where we see Olaf at his most evil and most dangerous as he plots to have a Craniectomy (a fatal brain surgery) performed on Violet. We see Klaus thrust into the hero role as he must take a page from Olaf's book and disguise himself as a doctor to help locate his sister and save the day. The book and episodes take an almost horror-like tone with the chilling eeriness of the unfinished hospital and some occasional jump scares and built suspense, like the Esme hunt down of Violet in the Library of Records or Olaf's henchman patrolling the halls of flickering lights in search of the hiding orphans. But it still blended in the nodes of light humor like the happy cult of "Volunteers Fighting Disease". You could definitely argue that these episodes were actually the best adaption of any book in the series. 

#1. The Penultimate Peril
Book Number: 12
Guardian: N/A
Olaf disguise: N/A

     This one just had it all. The twist of the identical twins whom the orphans cannot tell apart, Frank and Earnest, (who we later discover are triplets with secret third brother Dewey) where it is known that one is a noble volunteer while the other is a villain on the fire-starting side of the schism. The underlying mystery of trying to figure out who "J.S." is. The big reunion of all the old characters from the prior 11 books like Justice Straus, Jerome Squalor, Babs, and Vice Principal Nero. The splitting up of the orphans as bellhops and showing each chapter from a different orphan's perspective at 3 o'clock. Dewey's heartbreaking demise (better fleshed out in the book how he was a true father figure to the orphans). The hotel being organized as a giant library, with an actual secret library in the basement. And perhaps above all else the biggest plot twist in the series is revealed as we learn that the Baudelaire's parents are actually responsible for Olaf becoming an orphan, which revealed that the villain's true motivations behind hunting down the orphans and making their lives were miserable were far beyond just financial. This book excellently marries the prior 11 and answers many of the underlying questions, and the ending of the orphans and Olaf sailing away from the hotel being enveloped in flames is just goosebump worthy, especially with the children not knowing whether the guests got out safely or burned.